The Schizo Effect

my favorite color is no pants



35 and recovering

Over the past few months I found Kratom. It is a supplement derived from a plant that aids in pain management, depression, anxiety, eases the withdrawals from opiate addiction… Its really a jack of all trades.

Due to multiple prescribed medications, I’ve been insecure and terrified of everything over the past few years.  Not anymore.

Now the government wants to ban it. Big Pharma swinging their junk around because they know they have no business if they lose their clients to clean living.

Here’s to hoping this nonsense is thrown out.

I’m now 35 and counting… And I prefer to age without the accelerator of pharmaceuticals.  Thoughts are welcome

WHITE PRIVILEGE II – return of the Mack


[read] Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things

If anyone has already read this book, I’d like to hear your diarrhea of the mind (this is a safe zone).
Those of you who havent, do so, and If you’d be So kind as to provide to me your thoughts… I’d appreciate that too. (-_-)


Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things

Description Review

Jenny Lawson follows up her marvelous debutLet’s Pretend This Never Happened with her determination to be furiously happy: she will seize the strangest and most glorious moments of her life while she stares down her depression, severe anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, and much more—and dares it to stop her. Furiously Happy is not only a battle cry but a delirious seesaw of a memoir. One moment you swoop upward as Lawson relates her attempts to hold a koala in Australia while wearing a koala costume and explains her quirky love for taxidermied animals (who must be dead from natural causes only), and you’re giggling like a three-year-old. Then your stomach drops like an artillery shell when Lawson exposes the dark side of her mental illnesses: trying not to cut herself and holing up in her bedroom for days on end. The ups and downs make this a difficult book to read all in one go. However, Lawson uses both her hilarious and heartbreaking episodes to camouflage so many life lessons and biting observations. (A poignant example: when cancer victims don’t respond to medication, no one blames the cancer victim; people with mental illness don’t get the same respect.) This is a book you’ll want to savor. Whether or not you too suffer from depression, you’ll turn the last page fired up by Lawson’s conviction that you can be furiously happy no matter what life hurls at you.–Adrian Liang

Product Description

In Furiously Happy, #1 New York Times bestselling author Jenny Lawson explores her lifelong battle with mental illness. A hysterical, ridiculous book about crippling depression and anxiety? That sounds like a terrible idea.

But terrible ideas are what Jenny does best.

Visit the Author’s blog…

As Jenny says:

“Most of my favorite people are dangerously fucked-up but you’d never guess because we’ve learned to bare it so honestly that it becomes the new normal. Like John Hughes wrote in The Breakfast Club, ‘We’re all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it.’ Except go back and cross out the word ‘hiding.'”

Furiously Happy is about “taking those moments when things are fine and making them amazing, because those moments are what make us who we are, and they’re the same moments we take into battle with us when our brains declare war on our very existence. It’s the difference between “surviving life” and “living life”. It’s the difference between “taking a shower” and “teaching your monkey butler how to shampoo your hair.” It’s the difference between being “sane” and being “furiously happy.”

Lawson is beloved around the world for her inimitable humor and honesty, and in Furiously Happy, she is at her snort-inducing funniest. This is a book about embracing everything that makes us who we are – the beautiful and the flawed – and then using it to find joy in fantastic and outrageous ways. Because as Jenny’s mom says, “Maybe ‘crazy’ isn’t so bad after all.” Sometimes crazy is just right.

Continue reading “[read] Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things”


Music is a safe place. « TWLOHA



Adele’s new album & how I relate…
Almost every track somehow brings me back to the one
The one that feined the lifelong bond that I (still) possess…
Only to show that outside of the “box”, I was never truly worth it.

[insert recent photo of my dramatically aged features after devastation]


I sadly now refer to the one as Premature Evacuation

(per my mother) The song of My Soul

“She Used To Be Mine”
sara bareilles

It’s not simple to say,
Most days I don’t recognize me.
These shoes and this apron,
This place and its patrons
Have taken more than I gave them.
It’s not easy to know
I’m not anything that I used to be.
Although it’s true,
I was never attention sweet center
I still remember that girl.

She’s imperfect but she tries
She is good but she lies.
She is hard on herself.
She is broken but won’t ask for help.
She is messy but she’s kind.
She is lonely most of the time.
She is all of this mixed up

And baked in a beautiful pie.
She is gone but she used to be mine.

And it’s not what I asked for.
Sometimes life just slips in through back door
Carves out the person
And makes you believe it’s so true.
And now I’ve got you.
And you’re not what I asked for.
If I’m honest I know I would give it all back
For a chance to start over
And rewrite an ending or two
For the girl that I knew.

Who be reckless just enough
Who get hurt but
Who learns how to toughen up when she’s bruised
And gets used by a man who can’t love
And then she’ll get stuck and be scared
Of the life that’s inside her
Growing stronger each day
Till it finally reminds her
To fight just a little
To bring back the fire in her eyes
That’s been gone but it used to be mine.

Used to be mine
She is messy but she’s kind
She is lonely most of time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone but she used to be mine.

Continue reading “(per my mother) The song of My Soul”

1 year ago TODAY

My world was snatched, squeezed, shaken, ripped into pieces, and all of them were scattered except one.
That piece was decimated.

run free 🐾
🐕take no prisoners


Mow your damn lawn and Sit the hell down

Nothing comes to those who wait


God’s Gonna Cut You Down

The Struggle

I Struggle everyday to be the best version of myself.
So much so that I end the day exhausted from being someone else entirely.
The struggle is real, my friends.



If people could hear the next five seconds after I hit end on a call, I would be unemployed.


ME WATCHING THE OLYMPICS: Oh wow, that was impressive! ANNOUNCER: Another disastrous mistake!

Continue reading “1”

The death we hold dear

Next month (Sept 10th) will mark 1 year without her… And it feels like it happened yesterday,

Meadow - The Love of My Life

People tend to say things like… I need to “move on, get over it, let it go, etc”…. Which means they’ve either
a. Never been gutted like this,
b. Are heartless & I feel sorry for them, or
c. A narcissist who proves to care only about what directly effects them.

Either way, I could not even care less.


Next month is barreling toward me like an ominous cloud carrying relentlessly violent storms. She is not the only loss that September commemorates, and i still have half of a lifetime left… I wish I could just skip the month altogether.


Nothing compare.

Yu Yi

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