The Schizo Effect

my favorite color is no pants


transforming chaos

Where you are

This mother’s day was a total bitch
1st one without my mom

If you don’t have anything nice to say then come sit over here with me and we’ll make fun of people together.

Kratom – it’s a win!!

35 and recovering

Over the past few months I found Kratom. It is a supplement derived from a plant that aids in pain management, depression, anxiety, eases the withdrawals from opiate addiction… Its really a jack of all trades.

Due to multiple prescribed medications, I’ve been insecure and terrified of everything over the past few years.  Not anymore.

Now the government wants to ban it. Big Pharma swinging their junk around because they know they have no business if they lose their clients to clean living.

Here’s to hoping this nonsense is thrown out.

I’m now 35 and counting… And I prefer to age without the accelerator of pharmaceuticals.  Thoughts are welcome

Your Brain

Your Brain is designed to keep you alive. It doesn’t give a shit about your happiness.

like a Queen

Some days its necessary

Go to sleep

Go to sleep.

Go to sleep.

for when you sleep you cannot weep 

    for all the hate

    And all the greed

    And all the mercy for those in need

The hate that fills in all your holes

    Will eventually leave and empty soul

Now forget the ones you hate and deceive 

    And remember one love

    That will never leave.


The Long and Short

Don’t wonder why people go crazy…

Wonder why they don’t. 

In the face of what we can lose in a day, 

in an instant, 

wonder what the hell it is that makes us hold it all together.

Old voicemails

I have this issue where I can’t ever seem to grasp a life changing event or loss as its occurring. It must be a defense mechanism that my mind utilizes when something is going to really fuck me up.
It isn’t until well after the dust settles that reality begins to creep up on me. By then, everyone else has moved on/forward and I’ve missed the window for action/reaction.

So now, like every other time, I’m trying to burrow through the cement surrounding my senses to feel something.  I should be able to feel something.  However, I’m numb.

It stands to reason that this is the cause of many of the snowball effects that have shaped this life that I’m ghosting through.

That being said, I went through old voicemails to find the ones I’ve saved from my mother.

I found some, but I also listened to ones that I still have saved for the same purpose. The sound of their voice. 

I think my soul was bound and gagged a few years ago when my broken mind failed to take action, when immediate action was required.

fast forward to the future… I’m broken.


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